| self improvement, self importance; a bible of the self |
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[09 Nov 2009|08:55pm] |
one thing you should know about me
i never get my hopes up
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[07 Nov 2009|12:27am] |
be prepared ladies. i have decided to go on a one woman mission to bring the turban for women back.
i know they tried to revive it on the catwalk a few years ago and it didn't catch on, and i know why. the turban is low on sex appeal. in an age where sex is equated with youth, the turban is a symbol of sophistication and a certain maturity. but i think it would be pretty practical for the glasgow winters, and i have discovered recently that i enjoy a sartorial challenge. so yeah. i need to get a nice big one though, as i a huge head. and also a lovely brooch to wear on it.
xx
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[15 Oct 2009|03:27pm] |
i need this for halloween SO MUCH
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[12 Sep 2009|06:28pm] |
for all my single ladies, especially my newly single ones, or otherwise (and those attached ones too i guess. we're inclusive here!)
clearly the best thing about being single....=candlelit bath
you even get to listen to tori amos simultaneously if yr that way inclined....which i am. yeah and burn some incense. (kidding bout the incense. sort of. maybe i could read my copy of the 'spare rib reader' at the same time. and who says us feminists aren't fun!)
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[04 Sep 2009|06:35pm] |
GLASGOW IS HAVING A ZINE COMIC BOOKS FILMS DVDS BOOKS COFFEES THING AT THE GLASGOW FILM THEATRE TOMO. I AM STUPIDLY EXCITED.
come come come come
xxx
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[26 Aug 2009|01:49am] |
after death disco saturday suzanne invite people i had never met to mine for a party. it was beautiful. i had never met this couple. i don't even know their names. it must have been ten am. they fell asleep on my sofa and temporary and fleeting and fragile as the second was i thought they were beautiful.
in the fututre they will porbably break up, or cheat, or hate each other, or drift apart. but for ten minutes at ten am on my sofa they were perfect
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[26 Aug 2009|12:53am] |
so i've unadded some people from my friends list.
generally am very generous/patient with people's entries, paying them time and consideration BUT
i feel like a lot of people don't really care about me. i feel like they just voyeur on my car crash personality.
i don't understand this mentality of reading people's private thoughts, but then saying nothing, even pretending you barely know them in real life. yes the internet is just THE INTERNET but (for me) it is a form of communication like a conversation. then acting like you hardly know them in real life is incredibly fake.
its called pretending.
i'm not very good at it.
maybe i'm a fool. maybe online interaction is meaningless but to me its camaraderie.
if you feel this is unfair speak up. but otherwise i wish you all the best.
i always leave supportive comments on many people's livejournals and i think i deserve the same.
ALSO if you've had me added but never mentioned it now would be good time to holla.
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[14 Aug 2009|12:23pm] |
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so i know i'm late on this but does anyone want to do the 365 project with me?
i think i will either start monday or next monday
http://photojojo.com/content/tutorials/project-365-take-a-photo-a-day/
it doesn't have to be self portraits. i think it would make my friends list even better if y'all took part too.
i am looking at you.
volunteers?
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[04 Aug 2009|06:29pm] |
"I'm no artist, dear Maestro. you mistake me." I decided to patronise him in return. "I have no inner burden which I wish to unload upon a passive audience. I do not wish to contribute one jot to the fund of public fantasy. Perhaps i have something to reveal, but it is of so intensely private a nature that it could not possibly interest anyone else. Perhaps i will reveal nothing, even to myself. But i know i am on the trail of something. I am crawling through the tunnel of myself- which takes me farther and farther from the artist's base craving for applause." Since he refused to be offended at my pointed words, I continued. "I am looking for silence, I am exploring the various styles of silence, and I wish to be answered by silence. You might say," I concluded gaily. "That I am disembowelling myself."
susan sontag, the benefactor
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[08 Jun 2009|05:33pm] |
honest opinion appreciated
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[06 Jun 2009|01:01am] |
why has no one thought of "Zombies! The Musical?"
the weird part is i wouln't go and see it. i h ate musicals.
but people, it should happeen
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[28 Mar 2009|05:02pm] |
i am now the proud owner of this bike.
it is in the shop having the left brake cable fix and a light fitted but come monday i am footloose and fancy free.
as usual i am having friend angst.
trailer trash last friday...i spent the week asleep.
juliet's birthday party tonight followed by yes way all dayer tomorrow.
kaki king on tuesday if i can rustle up funds, then the trailer trash warehouse birthday party saturday which will be amazing undoubtedly.
i have rediscovered my love of bobby conn to an insane degree.
and yeah, it still hurts.
xx
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[30 Jan 2009|09:52pm] |
sunday....xxx
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[06 Jan 2007|05:27pm] |
hey, from now on most of this will be friends only. just comment to be added, i like new friends.
love xx
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[10 Aug 2006|03:17pm] |
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i forgot how awful househunting is.
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[12 Jun 2006|01:54pm] |
YAY handed everything in!!!
am buzzing on coffee and about four hours sleep the last two nights. what a massive relief. i'm actually pretty pleased with the amount of work i have. just a shame one of my frames keeps falling off the wall!
so...this week. staying in colchester tonight, going picnicing tomo in the park with my lovely boy(i want ice lollies!) which is excellent becuase it gives me my first chance to wear the PEACH HOTPANTS i've had for TWO YEARS but NEVER WORN for fear of MOCKING with not too many people around to laugh.
had to hand everything in at 9, and ended up watching a performance by this girl in my class, holly. she has an autistic daugher and a lot of her work is about disability. she sat naked in a chair while the audience picked stamps from a selection priovided with about 30 different words ('vunerable' 'beatiful' 'stigma' 'deviant' 'symbolic') and stamped her body with them. was very silent, and actually very beautiful and moving. it felt like a nice way to end my time at st martins.
sat in soho sqare with a few folk from my class ridiculously early ... was actually pretty nice. we just talked about what we might do in the future.
just killing time now before i go to pick up some bad stuff, and then catch a train to colchester. thursday i'm seeing lenny for russian tea!!, hopefully margarita, cinema with james sometime, then hi tech jets last ever gig friday. dancing after?
love you all
xxx
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[19 Apr 2006|12:39pm] |
It's time to make this journal Friends Only.
I used to keep it public so my friends from glasgow could read it, but now they all have journals too so this will be my last public post. does anyone know how to backdate all my old entries to friends only without changing every single one?
i guess if you've been secretly reading or want to start now would be a good time to mention it.
xxx
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[13 Apr 2006|07:01am] |
Am in a weird internet cafe with Sean right now. I can spy on him updating his journal he he he.
He bought me a big cuddly panda!! he came over last night and made me hide in the living room while he deposited it in my bed! and he covered the floor with glitter, and switched all the fairy lights on, and put roses everywhere! i am spoiled. i am going to get far too used to all this attention!!
ciao loves xxxx
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| you have killed me |
[12 Apr 2006|01:01pm] |
Eek being on the internet for too long kills my braincells.
I'm in a strange, reflective mood today. I manged to get up at 8, and go to sleep at midnight. Notrmally I jus scrape myself out of bed minutes before i have to leave for work, or spend forever doing my make up. got to oxford circus early to see if there were any The Organ tickets left but they've sold out. oops, its tonight. i hope Sean isn't too upset. I don't mind hanging about the venue for a little bit if he's determined to go. The I picked up the book i ordered a few weeks ago from Borders; Paralell Lives by Pyliss Rose. it hasn't been republished in over twenty years. it was written in the seventies. when I ordered it i had no idea what it was about....
I read an article in the Times in Februry, in the prelude to Valentine's Day, by a woman about her marriage. not so very extraordinary since many columnist make a living out of writing about their marriages, but this was an article by a serious journalist, describing how she had managed to make her marriage 'work'. She described how she's been married once before, and it had fallen apart, and now, in her 50s, she had been married to the same man for 17years, but how it had nearly ended a few times, and had actually ended once. they had split up, and he had moved out, and on his lawyers' advice broke back into the house, becuase she had all his stuff, and still somehow it had started again. she said after all these years she understood even less why it worked. I cut out this article and posted it to sean as a surprise one week, before he broke up with me actually, becuase I sensed some kind of crisis and...I don't know. anyway, she said her and her husband used to discuss a book early on in their relationships...and that book was parellel lives.
its a study of five victorian authour's marriages- including Dickens-, and dicusses why these marriages worked and failed. not i'm not even vaguely suggesting that Sean and I's relationship is anywhere near as serious as a marriage; actually I'm more intrested in the idea that relationships are creative decisions with which we write the story of our lives. and that relationships are a creation that both people believe in, that collapse when one stops believeing the myth.
its been a really intresting time recently becuase a lot of people have been breaking up, getting back together and having crises that we now, or perhaps we're just more aware of it. the older i get the more people i know in serious relationships. and i used to think sean and i's was slightly superiour for various, on reflection stupid, reasons- an uncomplicated beginning, how much effort we make, just becuase we're both quite bizarre and extreme and specific, and becuase we've both been very serious in our attitudes towards love and sex in the past so that we've both been each other's first for everything practically.
But that was wishful thinking really, our sense of niave superiority based on nothing; our relationship is just as flawed and messed up and passive aggresive and self serving as everbody else's, if nor more so for all our delusion and selfobsession. out of everybody i can think of, maybe six or seven couples i can only think of one that hasn't been messed up and stupid at some point. but i shouldn't compare us to to other people becuase people don't like to be reminded of their mistakes, and doubts, and frankly i don't know if their boyfriends have done anything as stupid as break up with them and come back a week later, but then hey- maybe i'm wrong- maybe we are a special case. maybe our relationship is MORE messed up than everybody elses! but i doubt it. its just that we do it on a larger scale.
actually I've been reading a lot. not that there is ever really a moment in time when I'm not reading a lot, but I think the books I've read recently warrant special mention: Haruki Makurami's Kafka on the Shore, whch i really enjoyed, it's really enthralling, estoeric...except the ending was really rushed, and the author's inherantly sexist attitude towards women was appaling. the only women in the book that isn't a sex object, and serves any purpose other than the main protagonists to have sex with was the one who was a hermaphrodite! ( and i hate the stupid 'bestowing mentally incapable people with special gifts' nonense. its a little bit patronising. though maybe he avoided it ok. but i am the pc police and these things do come to my attention!) what else? graham greene's the end of the affair which is actually just as good as everybody makes oout. and some history of doll's houses books la la la which i love.
i worked all weekend in the toyshop which was cool as usual. we are very relaxed at work, and i get to eat better food from either food for thought or wagamama's than i would at home so its cool. however the knife was sold out on monday which made me really sad becuase i love their new album, but i picked up my wages, and bought those pink ribbed stockings i've wanted for ages, packed up my pretty pink suitcase, which is covered in little deer!, (is it wrong that a suitcase can make me so happy?)and caught the train to colchester instead.
i was totally late becuase i couldn't fine my railcard, then the station was rammed, and the train was going especially slowly. but it was ok. when we got there we just cuddled up for ages and said nothing. it still hurts. i still love him but something is different now. i don't get the same crazy butterflies so much. maybe its more honest? i don't know, but i still love him more than anything in the world, and really i don't know what i'd do without him. i guess the first rush is over, but maybe we weathered it ok. we just hung out; he made me a cd of all different bands and artists covering smiths songs so we listened to that, we watched some alan partridge, and i cooked dinner. actually we were in bed by midnight which is pretty unusual. i met him for lunch the next day in colchester, he looks so cute in his pink tie, i drank mint tea and he ate pasta in the cold. we laughed for ages about something i can't remember now and i left smiling.
back in london i don't think i did anything for the rest of the evening, hung out with cerys and emily. spent most of the night on the phone to sean again.
so tonight we're going to try and see The Organ, then tomorow we're going to see Client at madame jojo's and then i'm going to drag him to all you can eat (the club! not a place!) then TA DA easter is here and we can go to the farm, and fly the kite at castle parks, and i can try try try to get some work done for my degree show.
honestly i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. they print everybodys names in order of grade from worst to best, and i know my name is gonna be at the bottom of the list. but i'm so scared of whats gonna happen when my degree finishes i'm totally frozen. i mean seriously. what. the. fuck. am. i . going. to do. but at the same time i can't wait to finish uni becuase i've been in nonstop eduction since i was 4. i must try and save money though, so i can go far far far away from degree failure shame.
love to you all xxx
ps i have become obsessed with bunnies! give me bunnies people!!
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